My latest project in the 31DBBB, was to read 27 expert blog posts. The assigned reading included a post by Seth Godin titled, “How to send a personal email.” Using his tip list, I’ve created the corollary, explaining how to alienate your readers in a few, simple steps.
Feel free to make additions in the comments!
- Send identical emails to enormous mailing lists.
- Copy and paste all you can. If you inadvertently mess up and call someone the wrong name, don’t worry, no one will notice.
- The salutation makes no difference. Use whatever your program default is. Even it is says, “My darling and alluring reader.” We’re all friends here.
- Don’t worry about formatting in your salutation. That just wastes time. Just merge the thing and be done with it. The important thing is to get that email sent.
- Send lots of HTML and images. You need to look like a professional emailer.
- Boca Raton, Florida (WWO) March 19, 2010 — Win with 1 published their communication advice this morning. “Make your email look like a press release,” said AM Smith, owner and professional blogger.
- The longer the better. If you have important information to extend to readers — and I know you do — you want to make sure that they don’t miss a single detail. Minutia is crucial. Fill your email with everything you can think of to keep the reader on task with the email as long as you possibly can. If you can’t think of something interesting or personal to write, just keep on going. Eventually you will happen across something worth reading. And besides, these people have nothing better to do.
- Emailing is time consuming and you have more important things to worry about. Don’t bother unless you need something. Like money.
- Never include contact information. Seriously, do you want these people to interrupt your life?
- Always mark your emails triple-red-flag, read-me-this-second-or-the-economy-will-fail urgent. You are the master.
- Misleading headlines are only trumped by those that are cute as a bug. Straight talk is boring.
- If your first email doesn’t get the results you want, just send another.
- Ignore the CAN-SPAM Act. We’re about results, people.
- If you have access to an email, it’s yours to do with as you please. Send, send, send!